TANGLED


acrylic paint, cornstarch, acrylic medium |

6 ft x 4 ft  | 2023



a void of light, a void of light, a void of light - those were the words that stuck with me after reading Paul La Farge’s essay, Colors / Black, in Cabinet magazine, and what i wanted to convey with this piece.

i have experienced voids of light that teach valuable lessons, ones where the darkness is worth it, where eventually a light is revealed within myself that makes the void less ominous.

i have also experienced voids of light that are far more sinister, ones where there is no way out, up, back, or forward — and this is the kind of void i tried to convey in this piece. 

for me, this tangled place is the shadows within me that i can’t get away from, no matter what path i take. It’s self hate, addiction, shame and confusion, its coming back to the same things over and over, its desperation and eventually, numbness - idly and hopelessly watching myself destroy things in my life from outside my body. it’s knotted, twisted, trapped, constricted, repeating, unrelenting, never ending, no way out, no start or end. it’s the void of light.

i used to live exclusively here - this painting used to be the singular and enduring scene of my life. these days, i can hardly believe that i have so many more scenes and places besides this, that there are colors in my life - colors where there was once only the absence of any. 

but, despite this beautiful variety, the place shown here doesn’t go away - it is always there in the recesses of my mind, waiting to wrap me up in itself if i give it the opportunity to. with this piece, i acknowledge this darkness as apart of my experience of being human and i hope to create a visual that communicates this messy place inside of me.